The ad’s for some kind of VW hybrid car, I don’t know which one, because I’m too busy being horrified by the image of three horrible little boys essentially vandalizing a quickie mart while their clueless mother pumps gas. I guess she’s been punished for her reliance on fossil fuels by having to bear the offspring of Satan three times. Which seems excessive, but I guess she is destroying the planet and everything.
While the gas and sip is being destroyed by these creatures who are drinking the Slurpees right from the fountain and covering the floor in Easy Cheese, a virtuous hybrid-driving woman drives blissfully by with her three angelic children sitting silently in the car.
|This is not okay.|
I have a number of problems with this scenario, beyond the clearly fictional idea that three modern tween boys would be quiet without a tablet or smartphone and access to reliable wi-fi. First, this is a post-Bart Simpson era depiction of a world of powerless, stupid adults. Both the alleged mother of the hooligans and the store clerk stand by and watch, helpless and mute, as these monsters do whatever they want. This is just dumb. You are bigger than they are, and I hope to God smarter. End them.
Second, though this is related, is the implication here that children cannot possibly be controlled? Our only hope is to find a better way to outlast them—with, say, a more efficient fuel option that can prevent us from having to slow down and by doing so risk being sued by 7/11.
Finally, the song that plays is “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.” These little creeps aren’t cowboys. Let’s not co-opt a cool American icon and turn it into a joke (to sell German cars). It’s not cool to make a giant mess and not clean it up. I demand a sequel featuring a big bucket of bleach followed by a time-out. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe if you go hybrid your children really do turn into tiny angels who love to do housework, assisted by singing cartoon birdies.