Dealbreakers

We all have our limits. A line we just won’t cross.  Or when it comes to entertainment, a character type we just can’t stand or a plot point that’s one step too far. Some folks don’t seem to mind when a series jumps the shark—for some people it can be a dealbreaker.

For me, the dealbreaker isn’t always rational. But I know it when I see it.

`     1. VH1 Here I come

As a connoisseur of the pop-culture water cooler moment (that’s what we used to call them back when people communicated by speaking—now it’s all internet memes)—I usually tune in to at least part of MTV’s VMAs. This year I got through about ten minutes. After a parade of ostensible stars who looked exactly the same age as my ninth grade students, I changed the channel. I don’t expect the pop stars to be my age, but it might be nice if some of them could legally drive.

2. Galbatorix

I like fantasy, and a friend recommend Eragon years ago. I just couldn’t get past the names, especially: Galbatorix. It sounds like Lord of the Rings crossed with late-night Cinemax. It sounds like something a teenage boy would think up. It’s irrational, but I just couldn’t go on reading it. I’m also not too sure about talking dragons. There were talking dragons in it, right?

    3. The Wolfologue

Speaking of talking dragons...Yeah, werewolves should never talk. Just, never.

For example, the movie Red Riding Hood had a promising director (Catherine Hardwicke) an interesting soundtrack including Fever Ray...and, at a crucial moment, a talking CGI werewolf.

No.

Also, at some point long about Eclipse, I think, Jacob starting having this dramatic interior wolfologue. No, no, no.

Please wait until you change back into a human, and put your pants back on, to give that dramatic monologue. Like children in ye olden times, werewolves should be seen and not heard.

     4. Teens who talk like old folks

Bad dialogue in general has caused me to put down many a book. But old-sounding teens in YA—that’s a pet peeve. I spend my days with kids. I know what they sound like. They also definitely give fewer speeches in real life. Some adolescent boys use words like they are rationed, but those guys hardly ever seem to show up in books.

    5. The ending isn’t coming until book 3 in the series. That’s okay, right?

Sure. Totally fine as long as I can have my $7.99 back.