A Completely Biased List of the Best Halloween Episodes of All Time

5. Freaks and Geeks, "Tricks and Treats"

Bill: "I'm sorry Steve Austin. I can't marry you. I'm mad at you right now. What? I'm sorry I can't hear you. Hold on I'm gonna put the phone on my bionic ear."

It’s Halloween in 1980, which is already awesome.

Someone actually asks Sam if he’s going out for “tricks and treats”—just like the Peanuts characters say in Great Pumpkin. No one has fun, and everyone ends up disappointed, kind of like a real life holiday.

"I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman."

4. Buffy, “Fear Itself”

“I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out.”

The episode begins with a broken-hearted Buffy running her fingers through a bowl full of pumpkin guts…the bulk of the action takes place in a fraternity horror house that (of course, this is Sunnydale) goes very wrong because while decorating, the brothers accidentally summoned a real demon….and in the end, the demon turns out to be about twelve inches tall. 
Buffy steps on him like he’s a cockroach, and...end scene. 

 3.  Dark Angel, Boo

Original Cindy: "What the hell was that?!"

Max: Flashback. "Happens all the time."

The episode begins normally… as normal as a season 2 episode of Dark Angel can be, anyway. This is the season, after all, that took a perfectly awesome show, and added genetically engineered invisible geniuses, bug men, mermaids, and a dog boy. But the rest of the twenty episodes all take this mutant business very seriously. This one goes weird, and then it goes meta, and the whole thing ends up being just very terrible... but also pretty funny…and therefore kind of perfect for the most wonderful time of the year.

2. My So-Called Life, “Halloween”

“When I was little I, like, worshipped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. 'Cause it's your one chance all year to be someone else.”

It’s not the best episode of this series, by any stretch, but any episode of this show is better than the best of lots of other shows, in my opinion.

Angela flirts with a ghost (for a realistic show they seem to go supernatural fairly often—there’s a ghost in the Christmas ep too!?) Best moment: her little sister, usually a throwaway character, briefly steals the show by doing a perfect emo imitation of her big sister.

1. Buffy, “Halloween”

Giles: "And-and your…costume?"

Willow: "I'm a ghost."

Giles: "Yes. Um… the ghost of what, exactly?"

This could be a controversial choice…although Buffy ran for seven seasons, they made only three Halloween episodes. I’ve left off the season six outing, “All the Way.” In spite of some great one-liners, it’s the weakest of the three for me. I’m giving my top slot to season 1’s classic, if non-creatively titled “Halloween.”

There are so many quotable moments, but this one would probably win for me just for the moment when Willow, turned momentarily into a ghost by a spell which turns people into their costumes, walks straight through the library wall. Giles drops half the card catalogue, and his expression: priceless. Buffy gets a nice moment at the end when she’s turned back into the @$&-kicker we know and love. And, unusual for an early ep: Spike! The perfect Halloween cocktail.

The Han Solo Variation

It’s not Valentine’s Day or anything, thank God, but I was inspired by a question the moderator asked one of the panels at the NYC Teen Author Festival last month. The question for these YA writers: what was their favorite type of romantic relationship to write? They came up with a bunch of the expected ones, like love at first sight, and also hate at first sight.

The thing about romance is, even if you don’t write Romance, the genre—even if you like to write about aliens or DNA splicing or magic or state-run gladiatorial games for children—a lot of the time there still ends up being at least one romantic relationship in a YA novel.

The panel got me thinking about this topic, but I owe any knowledge I may have on the subject to the huge chunk of my life wasted in front of the TV, along with my vast expertise with the Regency Romance Novel. There are about six basic Regency plots, all of them culminating in a nauseatingly romantic happy ending.

When you actually think about it, there are only a few main categories of story love—and sometimes they overlap (like Bella and Edward, for example, are not only star-crossed but also insta-love—if you count his being in love with the way her blood smelled or whatever). But here are the main ones I’ve spotted:

1) Best friend love

 This was a popular one that got mentioned on the panel—someone said, “Oh, like Andy and Duckie from Pretty in Pink!, and everyone went, “Awwww.” But then the same person who said this type was their favorite was also swooning over Jordan Catalano from My So-Called Life, and I was like, if she really always rooted for the best friend, then she’d have been swooning over Brian Krakow.

City of Bones would have this kind of story if Simon had ended up with Clary. It’s not the most popular one by far—probably because the best friend isn’t usually a warrior, a bad boy, a werewolf—or any other category of intriguingly dangerous fellow.

2) Love at first sight

 A lot of bloggers deride this one as Insta-Love (or maybe that’s just the criticism for love at first sight that’s not believable).

Because meeting somebody and being like, yep, done! Calling it—it’s love! is so terribly believable. You know, ever.

3) Hate at first sight

I remember who brought this one up—my fellow New Leafer Kody Keplinger. And after I read the first few pages of her debut, The DUFF, I could certainly see why.  In this version, the pair fight until they figure out, wait—we don’t actually hate each other...

I grew up with a version of this which I’ll call The Han Solo variation. Just like Han and Leia, in this one the two don’t exactly hate each other, but they don’t quite see eye to eye. And they squabble and argue and talk over top of each other in a completely adorable way until finally: love. All my favorite 80s shows like Scarecrow and Mrs. King and Moonlighting featured the HSV. My devotion to this story type probably ruined my life, leading me to dismiss any male whose personality failed to annoy me as a non-viable option.

4) Star-crossed

 This one is the bedrock of fantasy and paranormal amore. These two shouldn’t be together because of some fundamental roadblock. He’s a Montague and she’s a Capulet. She’s a human and he’s an alien. He’s the prince of a rival Faerie kingdom. He’s a vampire and she’s lunch. This is the stuff of the Epic Love Affair, the trope that launched a thousand ships (of the Tumblr variety). It works a little less well in Real Life. Possibly because there are so few faeries and vampires and Capulets.

5) Unrequited love

 I love the metaphor for this one: “carrying a torch” because it sounds awkward, heavy, and like it will probably lead to at least second-degree burns, which sounds about right. I’m a complete sucker for this one, especially the Noble Governess variety. Even if you’re not into Regencies, you know the type. She’s pretty but you don’t notice her right away. She’s not as obvious as that other chick he thinks he’s into, until he gets to know the N.G. She’s smart. She’s capable. Maybe she’s got a great sense of humor. Give the guy two hundred or so pages. He may be a little slow, but eventually he’ll figure it out.

Please feel free to share the ones I’m missing!  Otherwise my comment box will feel like a reject from variety #5.