Vampire Book Club

Last night I attempted a NaNo word sprint. I ended up with more of a brisk walk...900 or so words later, my brain began to shut down. It was 8:30, after all, and by that point I’d been teaching and grading papers for going on twelve hours. 

So I turned, as I so often do, to the sparkly box with the pretty pictures that’s insidiously plugged into the wall of the same room where I try to write. And I was psyched to find that the CW was playing The Originals. Now, my love/hate for The Vampire Diaries is well documented on this blog, but I must say, for me the spinoff is much more fun these days. Perhaps because it’s not crushed under the weight of a five-year old love triangle. I mean, seriously, how long can these things go on—until something happens, like one of the guys falls in love with the girl’s infant daughter, for example.

Anyway, back to the delightful romp that is The Originals: wow, that’s a fun show. It has everything: cool setting (New Orleans), great soundtrack, attractive leads. These actors may not find themselves in the running for an Emmy next year, but they are certainly less wooden than some film actors, so there’s that.

Last night’s episode opened with a scene that was very popular among my bookish Tweeps: sexy vampires Elijah and Klaus were having some quiet reading time, and their sister Rebekah walked in and asked what was up with “vampire book club.”  But Rebekah was soon distracted from making fun of reading when she spotted Klaus’s “snack”—the poor girl bleeding out on Rebekah’s fancy carpet.

So far, I’m in, but the thing about this show—and pretty much every other stupid thing I currently watch—is that they started to lose me with a lot of Ridiculous Made Up Magic Crap.

I know, there’s loads of R.M.U.M.C in Harry Potter, and those books are pretty darn terrific. Even the movie versions are pretty good, although if Harry uttered just one more “Expelliarmus” or “Stupefy!”...I just can’t even. Learn a new spell, Harry.

Learning a new spell is not a problem on The Originals, or its parent show. It’s pretty much deus ex machina magic all day on both shows. Need to keep two characters apart for no actual reason? Invent a “sire bond”! That’s not inconsistent at all. Only fifty percent of the population of Mystic Falls is a vampire, so it’s not weird that no one’s ever heard of this nonsense before.

Last night’s episode featured such a pileup of made up crap, that even though I was watching it for a fun escape from my boring life, a part of me had to wonder at what point I’d stop buying in. Forget suspending disbelief: at a certain point, it’s just about how much crazy you can process.

The first layer, the main characters are the first vampires, which their mom sort of invented with some kind of spell. They also have every power you can think of, including being able to brain-warp other vamps. AND one of them is half werewolf. AND AND he magically impregnated a werewolf girl.

So far, I’m hanging on...but then there’s this whole witch-war, and a witch who’s magically linked to the pregnant werewolf, and a witch from the other army or whatever kidnaps the other witch and shoots her up with a MAGICAL NEEDLE that will kill the werewolf/vampire baby.

 

Dressy vs. Casual Witches+ Magical Needles

There was also magical rope at one point, but I digress. Essentially, I’m just wondering how much crazy CAN a show pile on, before the story collapses beneath the weight of the R.M.U.M.C?

I have no idea, but I’m dying to find out. I’m just rooting for the magical hybrid miracle baby. That little monster’s going to really complicate matters, if you ask me. 

Dealmakers

So my last post was all glass-half-empty about the stuff that’s a dealbreaker for me. So for this one, I figured I’d take the other tack, and I started thinking about the stuff that makes me automatically go, “I’m in!”

5. Unrequited or impossible love

I am such a sucker for this business. I’ve slogged through many a book (and some series of books) that wouldn’t otherwise do much for me, except I get caught up in the love story. Confession: sometimes when a movie gets like 15% on Rotten Tomatoes, I end up loving it. The key: heartbreak (as long as it’s eventually followed by a happy ending. I’m a sucker for those too.)

4. Vampires

Speaking of suckers, I'm sort of over it now, but back in the day, I was all about anything vampire. My favorite movie when I was young was always The Lost Boys. I devoured all of Ann Rice’s books. When Twilight came along I was so in (it also had #5 in spades). I read the first few books in Melissa de la Cruz’s Blue Bloods series (although I’m still not entirely sure they were vampires?)

Go to a bookstore today, though, and you could get buried in vamp books. A quick search on Amazon yields the titles of a bazillion vampire series—too many to keep up with, and some, I suspect, may involve unintentional comedy:

Vampire’s Witch

Vampire Academy

Vampire Awakenings

Vampires Realm Romance

Vampire for Hire

Vampire Elite

Bonded by Blood Vampire Chronicles

Vampire Journals

I even found a book called Vampire for Christmas. I kind of want to read that one, not gonna lie.

3. Free and/or reasonably priced snacks

This one has nothing to do with books (although I do like to snack while reading. But here's the thing: I love to eat. Love. When my best friend wrote a novel with a me-inspired character, that character’s defining trait was that she was hungry all the time. Free food is great, of course. But you’ve also got to love half-price appetizers, like those delicious little steak kabobs at Ruth’s Chris. Ask anyone who knows me. As long as there's food, I’m in.

2. Genre mashing

I think I loved Lost Boys so much back in the day not just because of the vamps, but because it was the perfect blend of horror, comedy, and romance. Later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer blended the same three genres and became the most important show of my life. And my dear departed Firefly was a space western. I really love all the genres, but I love them even more mixed together. The only exception so far was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I wanted to love very badly. I just loved the original too much to accept the adulterated version. Now, if anyone’s looking to add some zombies or demons to, say Ulysses  or The Sound and the Fury—have at it. 

Somewhat gratuitous Nathan Fillion pic. 

1. Experiments

I don’t mean Dr. Frankenstein’s type of deal: I love language experiments. Jennifer Egan’s Power Point chapter in A Visit from the Goon Squad. Don Winslow’s acronyms and two-word chapters in Savages. Raymond Queneau’s Exercises in Style. If the author is messing around with form or style, I’m totally in. Proving once and for all that although I may enjoy reading about or watching glamorous vampires or the folks who slay them, deep down I’m just a word nerd.